A Conversation Between Me Myself and I

I am writing this message to anyone who may have experienced such things. For the record, this essay immediately follows the one I just posted entitled, A Closer Walk with Thee. The conversations I have with myself can get a bit heavy because at a point I am not certain who is on which side. At times it feels like two or more of me argue among us. At other times it feels like the Holy Spirit having a chat with me with Him being in the lead position. At such times I just listen and ask my silly questions. Perhaps there is someone out there that needs to hear and read this so they can say, “AH HA! I’m not going crazy!” I can assure you that this is not the case for some of you. But for others, you might need to seek counsel from a psychological expert.

When you desire to have a closer walk with God this is the opposition many will face. The enemy knows more about you than perhaps you do because your adversary has been around since the beginning of our time here on Earth. If you don’t believe me go to the book of Genesis and read about the first sin with Adam and Eve. The enemy deceived them. He will do the same to you because he has had so much practice learning how we, mankind, think, act, believe, feel, and otherwise, how we operate. Not one of us is unique to him because we all follow a standard model that he can fall back upon. He will throw the entire kitchen sink at us in case we think we are that smart. I can say these things because I have been through this. I wondered if I was going crazy. The Lord assured me I was not. Besides, scripture tells about such things also.

My knowledge of the word of God was a tremendous asset for me because it tells about such encounters with the dark side of the spiritual realm in many passages. I could cite quite a few but I do not want to go there for this particular message. I’ll site a couple to enlighten those who are curious. Apostle Paul talks about the dark powers and principalities in Ephesians chapter 6. Peter talks about the devil prowling around in his epistle cautioning us to resist the devil in 1 Corinthians 5: 5-11. He is portrayed as an earthly king in the book of Ezekiel 28. There are so many references. Even in the book of Job, this demonic presence is so clear. If you are going through some things that make you challenge your saneness, then welcome to the club. Go to the wall of fame listed in Hebrews 11 and see a much longer list of those who were so challenged. Read the entire chapter and see what it reveals.

Therefore, when I say I was having a conversation with me, myself, and I… perhaps this will tell you why. I desire to have a closer walk with God. This is what I ran into and this is what each of you might experience to various degrees once you take that pathway. Once you know and see why such things happen it helps you in so many ways. The main one is to realize that you are not going crazy. I like how John Lewis; the civil rights activist told us to get into some good trouble. I would likewise suggest for you to go the “good crazy” for the Lord. If people think that is crazy then good for them. When they become the “good crazy” they’ll know what we know.

Now back to my essay. As I was having this very deep conversation with myself I had to learn how to distinguish the good me from the bad me. The good one has the characteristics of the Lord while the bad one is sneaky and conniving. We know God’s character as the Fruit of the Spirit, which is listed in Galatians 5: 16-26. It starts with the term “Walk in the Spirit,” or some variation of that statement. The flesh wars against the Spirit and the Spirit wars against the flesh. This is the internal battle that goes on in a person when they seek a closer walk with the Lord. Paul talks about this internal battle in his epistles written to the Romans in chapters 7 & 8. It is the same thing that some of us experience for the same reasons, and from the same source. The devil’s job is to keep us from getting closer to God. But do not fret as the Psalmist David wrote in Psalms 37: 1-7. The Holy Spirit is the one who reminds me of these passages to share with the ones He is reaching. Take some time to go to these scriptures because they will validate what you are sensing and let you know the players, and how you fit into the picture.

Since this is not my first rodeo I am not ashamed to admit that I am the “good crazy” and proud of it. Not proud as in pride but very gleeful in being in the saddle. This thing, for lack of a better description, will take many strong people down because they might be missing a part of the armor that the Lord gives us for protection. Ephesians 6 tells about putting on the full armor of God for your protection against such powers and forces. I would not know about such things had I not spent a considerable amount of time in the scriptures, bible study, in fellowship with my fellow saints, or by humbling myself to God’s Spirit that is my ultimate teacher as mentioned in John 6: 44-45. I hesitate to reference so many scriptures but that is what I am being fed so you get what you get. This is part of the reason I was arguing with myself. My flesh side wanted to defend my sinful actions while my spiritual side cautioned me against such things. So far it appears that the Spirit is winning because here I say writing these things to you.

The fact that you are able to witness my argument with me and that it makes sense to some of you is a testament to itself. The fact that I am willing to expose my craziness to everyone is also a testament to itself. It is not because of me but because of my willingness to allow the Spirit to use me… even if it would otherwise shame me under different circumstances. If confessing my faults is what the Lord wishes of me then that is such a small price to pay, compared to what He did for us all.

I was sharing some of these things with my soon-to-be-96-year-old mother. Since she gave me birth she listens to my every word. Since she was the one who dedicated her sons back to God it is a proud moment to see that her prayers worked. Today I am able to minister to her and she recognizes the source it comes from because she was the one who invoked the Spirit. Besides, even though she is my mom and loves me unconditionally, it is the Spirit of God that confirms His presence amongst us. We laugh about it because if this is what is called crazy, then sign me up! Outside of my dear mother, there are a few people that God placed in my life for such times so we would not feel like we are crazy. The Spirit of God recognizes Himself in others. So it is not strange to others with whom the Spirit resides as well.

For the record, my argument with myself was over how to share this sort of message with my readers. One side of me wanted to tell the whole story while the other one wanted to make me appear to be less crazy. As I sat to write at my computer I guess you see which one won. I do not say these things to make you think of me one way or the other but because it is my Lord that is reaching out to His people giving them aid and comfort. What they think of me is irrelevant because they are not THE JUDGE. Although they can criticize me and call me all sorts of names, so be it!

My function is to be an object that some can use to measure themselves. Some can use to help them understand themselves. And for some to poke fun at for jest or laughter. Let them mock me all they like because I know who gets the last laugh and that will be THE JUDGE,  but He will not be laughing. He would be sad if anything because some got away, not due to the Lord but because they desired Him not.

I’m sure someone out there is receiving this message quite clearly. Sorry, I had to start an argument with myself that overflowed to the pages of this essay but if that is all it took, then call me crazy, but make sure you know it is the good kind. I listed quite a few scriptures so when you have the time go and read them. The Lord already prepared these passages for His children for times such as these. We are in a time when the evil spirit will grow rampant and spread all sorts of chaotic vibes to throw people off the target. He wants them to think of worldly things and not the things that are eternal. He wants to take their attention away from the Lord and place it instead on the things of this wicked world. Either way, both will get what they desire. The ones that desire God will get Him. The ones that do not desire God will get what they wish.

If this message was intended for you, then the scripture about the lost sheep or the lost son is appropriate. The parable of the lost sheep is in Matthew 18, or Luke 15. The parable of the Prodigal Son is also listed in Luke 15. The Lord told us that He would not lose even one that the Father sent to Him. That would be in John 6:39. I see the Spirit wanted those who are in doubt to have the scriptural passages that confirm His word and promises. So this is my final verdict.

If you are serious about your closer walk with the Lord, and you find yourself arguing with yourself… try not to do that in public because most certainly people will think you are crazy. Appearance does mean something in the work of bringing souls to the Lord. You never want to put on the appearance of something that defiles or runs people away. If a harsh tone is necessary let it come from the Lord. He knows how to dress things in the most appropriate manner. Always put on the image of the Lord Christ. He is our perfect guide. Use Him as your reference and authority. It is not about us but about how we can be of aid and assistance to the Lord down here on the earth. Go ahead and do as the lord suggest, but when you pray go into your closet, close the door behind you, and pray in secret. Wait on the Lord to answer you in that manner. Matthew 6: 5-6. To almighty God be the glory… Selah!    

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